Checking in on Hank


We all know what Henrik Lundqvist has done for this team in his time with the New York Rangers and we all know how amazing he was this season and postseason (abbreviated though it was). As Jim said, Hank won the "Ohh My Achin' Back Award" for carrying the team all season long. After each and every game we lost to the Capitals in the first round of the playoffs I said to myself, "Someone help Hank..." but no one ever did. I think we can all agree that we don't blame what happened in the playoffs on Hank, he gave us a chance to win every night and kept us in almost every single game all season long. He was supposed to get a lighter workload. He didn't. But he still rose to the occasion and played brilliant for the Rangers. We ought to make him King or something.

Now that I have officially accepted what happened with Washington and how the Rangers' season came to an end, I begin to wonder where Hank is now and how he is holding up. How does someone go through what Hank went through and not lose his mind? Join me for my crackpot theory after the jump. Or not, up to you.

The way I see it no man, not even Hank, can tolerate his teammates failing to score and help him beyond blocking shots and finishing checks. So where is Henrik Lundqvist now you ask? I have a reliable source that has filled me in on where Hank is and what he is doing.

Immediately after the Game 5 loss to Washington Hank talked to the media, shook hands with his teammates, knowing he might not see some of them again as Rangers and hopped onto a jet headed to Sweden.

Once in Sweden Hank drove on empty, winding roads far away from the noise and commotion of civilization to a remote building somewhere in the frigid, snow-dusted mountains. He tossed his keys to an armed guard stationed outside and threw open the doors of the building. He was then greeted by a man in a white lab coat who nodded curtly at Hank and gave him a sharpie, a bucket, and several bottles of gin and ushered him to a small white room and locked him inside it. The last thing the man in the white lab coat saw was Hank pulling the cap off the sharpie and taking a wild swig of gin before pressing the sharpie to the wall of his rage room. And there Hank will stay until his fury subsides...

Hanklosingmind_medium

Rangers management eagerly awaits when Hank will emerge from his self-imposed hibernation. Rumor has it that if he sees his own shadow when he emerges we will make the playoffs next year. Rumor also has it that he needs one perky Swedish virgin to be sacrificed and thrown into the room with him everyday at 3pm sharp. At 10am the next day a janitor comes into the room and removes the bones, cleans up any smashed gin bottles, and empties Hank's waste bucket... but he is not allowed to make eye contact with Lundqvist... for if he does his soul will be set on fire and his children will be born with fire ants where their eyes should be. 

Take as much time as you need recovering from this year Hank. You're the team's most valuable player and one of the few men I feel completely comfortable calling gorgeous. Just please... try not to eat too many virgins and wear their skin as masks in your rage room, muttering to yourself about the god-awful powerplay. After all Hank, it's just pain.

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