Behind The Scenes: Tim Erixon Trade

As many of you know the Rangers traded for top Flames prospect Tim Erixon today. This is a completely factual (not really) transcript of the conversation that took place between Glen Sather and Flames GM Jay Feaster. Enjoy.

JF: Why won't Tim sign with us! We have Jokinen and everything!

Pizza Delivery Man: I don't know, sir, can I just have my money? I don't even know who Tim is.

JF: Do you think it would be a good idea to sign Tim to any contract he wants?

PDM: Would I get a bigger tip?

JF: Smaller, actually.

PDM: Don't sign him at all. You need the money.

JF: Hmmm, we'll see. Just take this and I'll call you when I figure things out.

*Phone rings, it's Glen Sather!*

GS: Hey Jay, how's it going? How's Winnipeg?

JF: That's Atlanta, Glen.

GS: Yeah, not anymore. Didn't you guys just move to Winnipeg?

JF: That's the Atlanta Thrashers that moved.

GS: Whatever, same thing. Not like it matters.

JF: Glen, can you leave me alone? If I don't sign Tim Erixon I'm going to be in tons of trouble.

GS: Wait, your number one prospect? The defenseman? Tim Erixon? He's not signed yet?

JF: Yes, and if I get distracted, I won't be able to sign him. Leave me alone.

GS: Ok, I'll sit here quietly. Fine.

*Glen mysteriously takes out his blackberry, and whispers "bring em in."*

JF: What the hell are the rockettes doing here? I need to get this man signed!

GS: You said I shouldn't distract you, so I need some entertainment for myself. It's either this, or listening to Wade Redden cry about his dilemma of money vs. retirement. Give me a break!

JF: If I take Wade Redden off your hands will you go away?

GS: I know one way you can get me to go away.

JF: Oh yeah, what? I'm not taking Roszival.

GS: Psh, I got rid of that guy a couple months ago. He's rotting in Winnipeg now with the rest of the Coyotes.

JF: The Coyotes are still in Phoenix, Glen. Do you know anything about hockey?

GS: Don't play games with me Jay, if you give me the rights to Tim Erixon I will go away.

JF: It will take Mike Del Zotto and a second rounder.

GS: Mike DelZottNO. How about Gilroy?

JF: He's a restricted free agent, genius.

GS: Believe me, after seeing how he acts around the ladies, he is certainly not restricted.

JF: You're a moron. Dubinsky?

GS: I'd rather give away my cigars.

JF: Ha! Stop distracting me now, I want to finish this deal!

GS: Hey, are you emailing him offers?

JF: Yes, get out of my office!

GS: Wait, let me just see your laptop for a second.

JF: Why...

GS: There's a video I would like you to see.

JF: I'm not looking at any more videos of Wade Redden in a whale costume Glen. It was funny the first time, then it got just plain creepy!

GS: No, it's a video of Chris Kreider, maybe you want him!

JF: I'll take a look.

*Glen Sather proceeds to rickroll Jay Feaster*

JF: C'mon Glen, now I only have ten minutes left and my computer isn't working!

GS: Muahahahaha. So no Kreider, actually, how about a fifth round draft pick and Tim Kennedy.

JF: You already traded Tim Kennedy! A first rounder and Callahan.

GS: Who cares? No one even knows Kennedy still exists! Callahan isn't even captain, take Drury.

*More negotiations* 

JF: So, final offer. Erixon for Roman Horak and three future first round picks.

GS: Sure, just sign here. (Sather drops his pen on Feaster.) Let me get that for you! (Sather pretends to trip, pokes out both of Feasters eyes)

JF: You bumbling fool, I can't even see!

GS: (With a ninja face) That's ok, I wrote it out just like you said it. Just sign here.

JF: You promise?

GS: Just like I promised that I won't make any bad signings this offseason to Dolan. (Hey, is Anson Carter still playing? Would he want a five year deal?)

JF: Fine, done. Now get out.

GS: Alright, let's go ladies.

JF: Leave the rockettes.

GS: I like the way you think.

THE END