Fellow Banterers, I present my idea for a skills competition that is somewhat less spectacular than hardest shot or fastest skater but maybe interesting just the same. This won't happen — it is a figment of my (dumb little) imagination. You could say it's similar to David Letterman's "Stupid Pet Tricks." Which you either enjoy, or just consider stupid. Here goes:
Snow Shower Contest. Who can make the dazzlingest snow shower into a TV camera lens.
Hard Around Contest. Who can send a puck farthest around, around, way around the rink. Can anyone complete a 360?
Goal Celebration Contest. Who can slide the farthest or jump the highest or grin the broadest. I am thinking of Theo, Stephane, and Vinny, respectively.
Icing Touch-Up Contest. Who can flip the puck to a linesman going full stride toward the other end of the ice.
Puck Juggling Contest. Who can keep the disk in the air the most times with the blade of his stick while doing an interview with Pierre McGuire, without lodging it in his mouth, hard as that is to resist.
Mark Messier Empty Net Contest. Who can score the sickest EN goal from deep in his own end.
Wraparound Contest. Who can go 'round the back of the net and slide a puck along the goal line and in. Or better yet roof it.
Dump In or Get Dumped Contest. Who can lift a puck from center ice into the cleavage of Olivia Munn, deep in the O zone.
Saucer Pass Contest. Who can manage to pass to another player over one of Kathryn Tappen's legs while she lies centerfold-style with the other leg in the air.
Oooooh, I am liking this idea more and more.
Any ideas of your own?