First of all, I want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving today and wish our Jewish Banterers a very Happy Hanukkah. If you're lucky enough to be spending the holidays with your friends and family then you are lucky enough. I hope you all enjoy some good food, good company, and very safe traveling if you're out on the road today.
...Now, we all knew this was coming after Joe offered his version of how our monthly meetings for Blueshirts Monthly go down in response to Tony's hilarious depiction of events. I didn't "want" to do my version of the meetings but I kind of had to, didn't I? Some of you guys even asked for it so I had a few hours to myself right before the Rangers game last night and instead of spending quality time with my brothers I decided to put this together for you. You bastards better be grateful. In case you missed either Joe or Tony's write-up, they are both very much worth a read:
Now that we have that bulls**t out of the way let's talk about my version of our monthly meetings. Before I bring you all down the rabbit hole I just want to tell you how things actually work for Blueshirts Monthly. Every month we exchange about a dozen or so emails checking in with each other and coordinating who is doing what and when they will get it in. We do our best to proofread and edit each other's work and normally in the last few days of every month everything starts to come together. That's it. Mostly it is just countless emails where we mock, encourage, and annoy one another and at the end of the chaos the newsletter is somehow done. Pretty boring, huh?
That's why I am going to tell you my version of events and how our monthly meetings go...
Right off the bat I need to tell you guys that we hold our monthly meetings inside of cardboard boxes. Our budget is a little tight right now and we find cardboard boxes to very accommodating to our needs. We also all wear oversized name-tags because... that's what we do. Just go along with it, okay? Oh, and I should mention that Joe looks exactly like Panthro, I am a doppleganger for Gimli from Lord of the Rings, and Tony is actually a cactus. He doesn't "look" like a cactus, he is a cactus. Don't believe me? I didn't think you would. No one ever believes me. That's why I took pictures of our most recent meeting and I am going to share them with you. So let's take a look behind the curtains of Blueshirts Monthly and see how the magic happens... by the way if you haven't subscribed to Blueshirts Monthly yet you're officially dead to me. Go subscribe now. What's that you say? You don't know how to subscribe? Then CLICK HERE. Already subscribed? Go tell three people about it right now. Any three people. They can be dead people for all I care but please just do it. Thank you for all of your support and I hope you guys enjoy December's Issue (look for it towards the end of the month).
Now, on to my version of the monthly meetings... enjoy!
Inside Blueshirts Monthly
Panthro Joe: Gentlemen, thank you for coming to our completely fictional monthly meeting. Gimli Mike: It's a pleasure to be here... next time wear something more than spiky suspenders please. Cactus Tony: I love you guys.
Joe: Uh... okay. Thanks for that Tony. Now, I've been working hard on the newsletter...
Mike: If by "working hard" you mean finishing everything you have to do the day before we publish then I believe you.
Tony: ... and Del Zotto sucks!
Joe: No one respects me.
Tony: You haven't earned my respect. All you do is tell people what to do, spell words incorrectly, and never answer emails. You're despicable and I still can't believe that you ate Wombo you sick f***.
Mike: ... Joe? Joe? What are you doing?
Joe: (putting his hands around Tony's neck)
(Mike jumps on table to defend Tony)
Joe: Jesus! Where'd you get that axe?
Mike: It came with the action figure, durr.
Tony: ... why do you have all of these action figures Mike? And why am I a cactus?
Mike: ... (whispers) Keep asking questions and I'll staple your eyelids open and pour sand on your face...
Tony: What was that?!
Joe: Let's... let's just move on gentleman. I'm sorry about that Tony. Sometimes the panther gets out of the cage, y'know? Mike, have you done ninety-five percent of the work yet?
Mike: Of course I have! What do you guys have done?
Tony: I wrote my third installment of "Tony's Tales", it's a real doozy. By the way, I love you, thank you for threatening Joe with a dwarven-made axe to defend me.
Mike: Thanks Tony. I love you too... How about you Joe-Joe?
Joe: I'll get around to doing something sooner or later. Been busy practicing kung-fu in my underwear in front of full-length mirrors the past fifteen days or so.
Joe: Listen Mike, I live a busy life. When I'm not in private jets drinking priceless wine from the skulls of endangered animals and signers of the Declaration of Independence I'm tirelessly defending Michael Del Zotto on Blueshirt Banter. My life is one of sacrifice, diligence, and hard work. What is your life about?
Mike: Did you know I've got a freckle on my big toe?
Joe: Jesus, it's like working with a toddler.
Tony: A toddler that does more work than you.
Joe: Pipe down gramps. You smell like Bengay and old people and it's hard to even think straight around you. Your whole- "Be courteous and nice to everyone but Joe" routine is getting old in a hurry. I still have the power to ban your ass you know!
Mike: HEY! (AXE SLAMS DOWN ON TABLE)
Joe: ENOUGH WITH THE AXE!
Mike: YOU. SHALL. NOT. PASS!
Tony: Didn't Gandalf say that?
Mike: Gandalf, Gimli... same difference.
Joe: I have to help Lion-O and the rest of the Thundercats... I mean, I have to go do whatever I do for fun. Probably collect stamps or lay my collection of zazzy bow ties out on my bed and choose which one best matches my mood or something.
Tony: ...You like bowties too?
Mike: Both of you just get the hell out of here. I'll get everything done and wait for you to send in your articles at the last possible minute Joe. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go confront Moshe about his pending revolution to overthrow Joe...
Joe: What was that?
Mike: Nothing, go drink some more wine out of Calvin Coolidge's skull.
Joe: He didn't sign the Declaration of Independence Mike... he was a president.
Tony: ...I signed the Declaration of Independence!
Mike: You're a silly goose Tony.
Joe: A silly prehistoric goose.
Joe: Alright, alright. Take it easy with the friggin' axe. I think we've covered everything we need to cover. Mike, go finish up the newsletter and get it out there to our ruggedly handsome and dangerously beautiful subscribers. I've got a full length mirror that misses reflecting my greasy cat muscles calling me.
Well, guys and gals... there you have it, this is what REALLY happens in our meetings for Blueshirts Monthly. I hope you had as many laughs reading it as I had doing it (special thanks to my brother Connor for his assistance). My family was in town for Thanksgiving and I got a lot of sad, disappointed, and worrying looks when I turned the kitchen table into a crazy doll-house and was meticulously cutting out little pieces of paper and taping a bow tie to a cactus (which was quite difficult to do, by the way). In honor of Tony I have left his little name tag and bowtie on the cactus and there it shall stay until the end of time. If you guys don't hear from me after his "article" I am sure it is because Joe has sent some nice men to my house to take me to a nice, comfortable, padded room somewhere.
Oh, and just in case it wasn't obvious and to take the sting out of anyone who was going to say it:
Doesn't Tony look dapper with his little bow tie? I think he does. He doesn't look so bad for a guy that personally witnessed the invention of the wheel.
Go ahead and treat this as your open thread for the day. Again, PLEASE drive safely if you're traveling today and, as always, let's go Rangers.
Everybody love everybody.