Okay, so there isn't a lot of hockey news going on. We all know that. It's awful. It's not quite puppies in a blender awful but it's still pretty awful. Did I go too far with the puppies in the blender thing? Sorry. Click HERE to feel better. D'aww look at that little guy. He can't get out of that bowl to save his life. What a dolt.
Anyway, back to what I was saying before the whole blended puppy thing. The summer, especially this stretch of the summer, is known for having serious droughts of hockey-related news... but do you know what doesn't go through droughts in the summer? Tee-shirts. Well... now that I think about tee-shirts also have it a little bit rough in the summer, what with people carelessly tossing them aside to stay cool or jumping into the ocean every few minutes like water nymphs. Well... during the night you are still are going to need tee-shirts unless you're going to raves or crazy house parties where they pump bubbles into a room filled with strobe lights, purple and green lasers, and people wearing candy necklaces and fairy wings on their backs or whatever it is you kids do these days.
What was I saying again? Oh yeah. Tee-shirts. You need 'em and we sell 'em. Joe and I don't make a whole lot of money off of these shirts but we do love the idea of you wearing it in a bar or in front of some friends and showing your Banter pride. Still not sold? Fine.
Your Blueshirt Banter Tee-shirt, which you can buy HERE, is much more than something you can wear to cover your torso. It is more or less a multi-tool that you can wear. What's that you say, you don't believe me? Brace yourselves my friends, examples are coming.
- You can use a tee-shirt to filter water in a survival situation.
- In the event of an uprising/rebellion/alien invasion you can tear it up and use it to make Molotov cocktails (not recommended).
- It can turn you into a ninja.
As silent as a whisper of a dream and as deadly as a starving bull shark in a kiddie pool.
- In the event of snake bite or loss of limb it could be used as a makeshift tourniquet but you'd probably be better off using a belt or something like that (coming soon Blueshirt Banter belts! [not really though]).
- You can impress and woo the fairer sex by pulling your shirt off, perhaps accidentally flexing your muscles while doing so, and placing the shirt over a shallow puddle so that the lady might cross without her feet and fine shoes being damaged by icky puddle water.
- It may or may not make you capable of flight.
Motherf***in flight, son!
- As a weapon. That's right. A weapon.
- It can be used as an old-timey head wrap to treat severe tooth aches or cases of the mumps.
- When traversing through the desert one can cover their mouth and nose with a shirt and heroically pose on a sand dune while laughing at the poor schmucks who didn't bring a tee-shirt or a scarf to help shield sand from entering their lungs.
- You can put it on your head and do whatever the hell this is.
- If it's a bit nippy outside you can toss it around your neck as a fancy and fashionable scarf.
- One could use the shirt as an improvised gas mask in the event of a house fire or if you find yourself in angry mob that is being held at bay with tear gas.
- You could even use it to escape (action-movie-style) from villains and/or hooligans by tossing the shirt over a wire or cable of some kind, gripping both ends of it in your manly fists, and sliding your way to freedom (not at all recommended).
Your face has to be intense when you're doing action movie moves.
- It can be used as a makeshift sack if you tie the top of the shirt off. You could store all kinds of things in there like venomous snakes, bricks, bars of soap, other shirts, acorns, trash, or the bones of your enemies.
- If the shirt gets ripped or damaged you could convert it into a rag to wash your car and/or pet and/or small child with (... people wash kids with rags right?) and/or yourself if you become morbidly obese.
- And, of course, you can simply make it your own personal flag and share your Rangers and Banter pride with the world or at least the neighborhood.
Shown here flying at half mast because Stepan still isn't signed.
Those are just some of the things you can do with your Blueshirt Banter tee-shirt other than using it to hide your nipples from the world. Let's be honest, that's all tee-shirts are really for... well that and giving fair-skinned gentlemen the worst tan lines imaginable. So if you aren't already the proud owner of a Blueshirt Banter tee-shirt you should really give it some thought and think about rounding out your wardrobe by adding a sharp looking shirt to it. With the exception of the new and old Blueshirt Banter logos all of the shirts are designed by me!
Obviously I'm not trying to twist your arm into buying one (you live too far away for me to break into your place of residence and actually twist your arm) but you should give it some thought. They're nice. They also smell nice and new when they come in the mail. They've all got sleeves and a convenient hole to put your head and neck through. Please check them out and think about picking one up to show and share your allegiance to Blueshirt Banter.
Check out the shirts by clicking HERE.
I hope you are all having a humdinger of a summer and are staying healthy, happy, and safe.
Let's go Rangers.
Special thanks to my little brother Connor (he goes by "C on the Sweater" on BSB) for being my model. He insisted on holding the metal pole of a beach umbrella for most of the pictures but other than that he was a joy to work with. Between shots he enjoyed swinging it around recklessly like a drunken martial arts amateur and kept suggesting, "You know what this shot needs Mike... it needs some ninja spear."