It's been a while since the Rangers have made a trade that really caught my attention. Sure, they did get Dan Carcillo from the Los Angeles Kings, but Carcillo is only a fourth line grinder at best. So today, when I heard that the Rangers traded my favorite player, (I'm not a normal person) Michael Del Zotto, to the Nashville Predators, I knew it was time to start back up my "Behind The Scenes" series.
Behind The Scenes is where I bring you into the room where the trade was being discussed. Of course none of this is real, but it's a good way to lighten the mood and have a laugh at Glen Sather.
Dave Poile flew to New York after phoning Glen Sather and informing him that he had urgent matters to discuss. Poile took a cab to Sather's apartment, which has a lovely view of a local McDonald's, where Sather watches the Rangers games and scouts. Sather greeted Poile, and the trade discussions started.
Glen Sather: Hey, so do you need an audition tape, or is this just an interview, or what?
Dave Poile: What?
GS: For the show?
DP: I’m from the Nashville Predators….what show?
GS: Oh. I thought you were here to talk about putting me on the show Nashville. This is different. Alright. I’ll have to call my agent and tell him the gig isn’t what we thought it was. He was excited for my singing voice to be heard again. Anyway, what can I do for you?
DP: Glen, before we start, can I ask you to stop smoking your cigar? I hate the smell.
GS: Sorry, Dave, but this is my thinking cigar. Need it to discuss any deals.
DP: Alright....as you know I'm here to discuss a trade. I'd like Michael Del Zotto.
GS: You want....Michael Del Zotto? Are you sure...I mean....of course you do. We love Michael. Those healthy scratches were because he kept messing up AV's coffee orders and giving him decaf instead of regular.
DP: You have players take coffee orders? You're the New York Rangers....well anyway, yes we want Michael Del Zotto. Feel like he's a young up and coming offensive defenseman that can fit in well with our current core. What do you want for him?
GS: Well, as I said we love Marvin. Uh, I've been scouting your games at the local McD's, I saw you have this great young defenseman. Seth Johnson, I think? How about him? Yeah, that's great, I'll make the trade call right now!
DP: Glen, stop it right now. You can't possibly be suggesting we trade Seth Jones for Michael Del Zotto.
GS: Oh, Jones! Right. Yeah, you're right. Fleecing isn't cool. We want a third round pick, too.
DP: Glen have you gone mad? We wouldn't even trade you Ryan Ellis for Del Zotto.
*Glen crosses Ellis off his list of targets*
GS: Well who would you give us for Del Zotto? A first round pick? Blake Wheeler?
DP: Glen I can't trade you players from the U.S. National Mens team. Goodness. How about you give us Cam Fowler?
GS: Not cool Dave, we can have McIlrath here in five minutes to beat you up.
DP: Alright, alright. We can give you a different defenseman, but we like the majority of them. How about Kevin Klein?
GS: Ha! Like I'm going to believe there's a player in the NHL named "Kevin Klein." The least you could do is come up with a less generic name.
DP: Glen, he is real, and he's a great defensive defenseman.
GS: Yes, I'd hope a defenseman can play defense....
DP: Glen, just picture Dan Girardi and....
DP: What's wrong?
GS: I was just picturing Girardi and his eyes are haunting my soul. What about him?
DP: Klein is like him, just not as good. You can pair him with John Moore.
GS: SO you want to trade Klein for Del Zotto one for one? Toronto offered us Phil Kessel and JVR, you know....
DP: Glen, I will walk out right now if you don't stop talking about acquiring USMNT players.
GS: Fine, you have a deal. I trust that you wouldn't try to rip me off, as you are a great friend.
DP: Sure, great friends, of course. I'll make the trade call after I talk to Kevin. He's been a Predator his whole life.
GS: Can you call Del Zotto too? We haven't talked since I drafted him and he wouldn't smoke a cigar with me.