First of all, a big thank you to everyone who is a part of this community for an awesome 2014. Want to know something even better? We were top dogs in all of SB Nation NHL in terms of comments!
How awesome is that!
Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for ... The Blueshirt Banter Awards!! The awards show actually aired three days ago on Versus, but since no one watched, I figured I would let you all know how it went down here.
[Scene opens up in Radio City Music Hall, the crowd is going nuts while awards music plays and spotlights scan the crowd and stage for the host.]
Mysterious PA Voice: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the 2nd annual Blueshirt Banter awards!
[Crowd goes crazy.]
PA Voice: And now, your host ... Managing Editor of Blueshirt Banter, Joe Fortunatooooooooooooooooooo
[Crowd stands up. Everyone is cheering and going insane. A few women faint as Joe walks onto the stage.]
Joe: Thank you, thank you. [crowd keeps cheering] Seriously, guys, settle down, thank you.
[Crowd beings to quite as the house lights go down. A few people start shushing the crowd and eventually there is silence.]
Joe: Today is a wonderful day. A day where we get to shine the spotlight on the community members who did the best work this year! And also a day where you all get to marvel at my various outfits -- all of them selected by my personal stylist. His name is Henrik Lundqvist, maybe you've heard of him?
[Crowd erupts in laughter.]
Joe: But seriously, let's get to the awards! Who is going to get the first Bantie of the night?
Joe: Up first, the award for the most FanPosts on the website. This year's award goes to .... NY Fan In Delaware with nine!
[Crowd gives NY Fan In Delaware a standing ovation as he walks on the stage to accept his award smiling.]
PA Voice: NY Fan In Delaware is a first-time Bantie winner winning a tight race. Other notable FanPost nominees were Brandon Cohen and dhizzy (both with seven), feslenraster, SmellsLikeTeamSpirit and Wes Mantooth (all three with six), Michael from Nevada and Mike Murphy (with five each), BlackTaurus (four) and JB Alurker (three). Congrats to all of our honorable mentions.
[NY Fan in Delaware returns to his seat to applause as Joe walks back on stage.]
Joe: Our next award is for most Fanshots. If you remember, last year this Bantie was never handed out because 10 of you tied with one each. Thankfully, this year we do have a winner.
[Crowd moves to the edge of their seats.]
Joe: Your winner for most FanShots is ... NY Fan In Delaware with 53!
[Spotlight shines on NY Fan In Delaware who is visibly annoyed he needs to stand up and walk through the crowd again. He doesn't know what to do with his first Bantie so he just brings it up with him.]
PA Voice: This is NY Fan In Delaware's second Bantie, winning his first about 20 seconds ago. This competition wasn't even close. Betrayer Evan Sporer came in second with nine, Mike Murphy came in third with three and then Chris McDhane, Ouroboros99, NYC Jim347, Score Some Goals, Brandon Cohen, Rob L and Smrdwnnow all had one each.
[NY Fan in Delaware accepts the second Bantie and then attempts to stay on the stage just in case he wins again. He's promptly removed by security and moved back to his seat.]
Joe: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for ... the Bantie for most comments.
[Crowd breaks into nervous applause.]
Joe: The winner for most comments is ... [sighing] Tony Viola with 25,192.
[Tony jumps up from his seat and starts walking to the stage to vicious boos from the crowd. While walking to the stage he's on his blackberry furiously trying to comment on the website to continue padding his 2015 stats, all the while mumbling "you kids and your dang technology, this is impossible for my old thumbs! Good thing it doesn't matter what I post, hahahaha."]
PA Voice: This is Tony's second Bantie for most comments. Tony once again destroyed the competition. Other nominees were Caerid11 (14,061), Rocky Balboa Ranger (11,010), Blueshirts Fan For 50 (9,523), MikeNJ_NYR (9,421), NY Fan In Delaware (9,151), NYRWolfer (8,755), Mike Murphy (7,442), Moshe52792 (7,140) and Nick_Rash (5,530).
[Tony attempts to give a victory speech but his returned to his seat by security.]
Joe: Well ladies and gentlemen, we have one more award to hand out tonight.
[Crowd cheers excitedly.]
Joe: This is a new award to the Banties, the Bantie given to the most dominant performance in 2014. That award goes to ... NY Fan In Delaware for his 53 FanShots while the next closest was nine!
[NY Fan In Delaware is even more visibly annoyed, now carrying two trophies and having to go up to the stage for the third time. He makes his way to the stage and tries to find out how to carry a third trophy.]
PA Announcer: This is NY Fan In Delaware's thi --
[The show is interrupted as Tony flies onto the stage tackling NY Fan In Delaware as he tries to pry the Bantie away from him.]
Tony: That trophy should be mine!! I had SO MANY comments! I'm even commenting right now!
NY Fan In Delaware: This is insane, I am never coming to another awards show here again!
Joe [moving in front of the fighting to block it from the camera]: Well ladies and gentlemen, it's been a fantastic time tonight.
Tony [in the background]: I KNOW people. I will make you all pay!
Joe [louder to cover up Tony's nonsense]: Thank you everyone for coming, see you all next year!