Behind the Scenes is a feature I write on the site whenever an interesting transaction is made by the Rangers. I take a look inside the conversation that led to the transaction and listen in as the parties involved discuss possibilities. This is of course a parody post, so don't take it too seriously and enjoy!
The scene is this: Don Maloney and Glen Sather are dining at a New York restaurant discussing potential trades as the Deadline moves closer.
Don Maloney: Glen, could you please stop smoking a cigar at the dinner table? I’m pretty sure it’s not even legal.
Glen Sather: They allow it, I gave them my 2030 first round pick to let me and my 2037 first round pick for the cigars.
DM: OK Glen. Let’s talk business. Who are you interested in on my roster?
GS: Antoine Vermette and Martin Hanzal.
DM: Glen….you do realize Hanzal is out for the season, right?
GS: Uh, yes of course.
DM: And you read the memo saying we traded Vermette to the Blackhawks, right?
GS: So you aren’t trading us Vermette?
DM: No, Glen, he is not ours anymore.
GS: I’ll give you two first round picks.
DM: Glen, we cannot possibly trade him to you.
GS: Fine. What about defense, we’ll take Derek Morris.
DM: Glen, Morris hasn’t been a Coyote in years.
GS: Oh, who is good?
DM: Keith Yandle is our best defenseman.
GS: OK we will take him, is a first round pick enough?
DM: We need more than that, how about Duclair?
GS: You want an éclair? Let me call the waiter.
Waiter: What would you like sir?
GS: One éclair for the gentleman, please! Say, how old are you anyway?
Waiter: 37 years old, sir.
GS: Wow, just about to enter your prime! Can you win faceoffs and are you interested in joining the New York Rangers?
DM: Why don’t you just get me an éclair, son.
GS: So the éclair and a first round pick for Yandle, deal?
DM: Need more.
GS: We have Moore! Which one?
DM: *facepalms* we will take John Moore, Anthony DUCLAIR, a first round pick, and we will pay for half of Yandle’s contract so you can afford it.
GS: HA! I can afford anything! Did you see the contracts we gave Girardi and Staal?
DM: There is a salary cap, Glen.
DM: Do we have a deal?
GS: Fine, sure. I want Chris Summers since we need an American, young, disappointing first round pick to replace John Moore.
DM: Fine, fine.
GS: Great! Y’know what, you’ve been so nice about this I’ll throw in a second round pick as well.
DM: Uh….thanks, Glen.
GS: Thank you! I have to get going and pick up Mackenzie Skapski from daycare. Can you leave one of my first round picks in the 2040’s as a tip?