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Playmobil’s awesome Rangers figurines

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Playmobil recently sent Blueshirt Banter two New York Rangers neat-o hockey figurines just in time for the 2017 NHL Playoffs. They will probably never send anything to us again after this. I wouldn’t blame them.

Bonus: learn alarming statements in French!

My first impression of the two figurines (one goalie and one skater) that Playmobil sent our way was that they were far cooler than I expected them to be. However, my friend’s cat didn’t see what the big deal was.

Note: cats are quite often difficult to impress.

Yes, toys are for kids and these are toys, but desks need decoration. Trees need ornaments. Life needs laughter. And Mike likes getting free things. Besides, I will prove that you can have fun with these little buddies regardless of your age in just a minute.

My childhood was a stark apocalyptic landscape devoid of Playmobil. Now I finally have an idea of what I was missing out on.

Playmobil has a pretty impressive catalog of NHL licensed swag.

You can get a two figurine set of those dudes who always have bad haircuts and wear white gloves when they carry around the Stanley Cup! You can get referee figurines you can place under a hydraulic press that will help keep your hockey hijinks civil and fun! You can get a Zamboni rider guy with a popped collar and a devil-may-care attitude. You can also get a Dallas Stars goalie figurine that is probably just as efficient as stopping pucks as the current Stars goaltenders are!

So, what can you do with your Playmobil NHL playsets and figurines? Well, let’s take a look.

Customize ‘em!

Each figure comes with number stickers so you can customize your new friends. I chose to make my goalie figurine Henrik Lundqvist (sorry Antti) and my skater figurine Mats Zuccarello - because it was pretty much a full-scale model.

And afterwards you’re left with loads of extra stickers to use! I’m going to use mine to leave cryptic countdowns to ominous events around the apartment. Your move, Lego.

Hockey with ‘em!

The most surprising thing about the Playmobil buddies is that they aren’t static figures. The forward can even shoot a puck that he comes with!

The skater figurine snaps into a little platform which also serves as a nice display stand. From that platform you can make him take shots. It’s pretty nifty.

Fireworks not included.

The movement of the figurines is relatively limited. Think about that one Uncle you have that no one really likes trying to show signs of life on the dance floor at a family wedding. They move kinda like that, but with a lot more charm.

Put ‘em together!

I was pleasantly surprised that both the goalie and skater can have most of their gear taken off. It made me want to buy a Middle Ages Playmobil set to get Henrik a crown and a sword, but Joe said we didn’t have the budget for that. And then he knocked the sandwich that I was eating out of my hand. He’s petty like that.

C’mon, you have to admit this is pretty cool.

What? You’re still not impressed? You still don’t think that you can enjoy these toys because you’re an adult with rent to pay, 23 followers on instagram and two different jogging routes? Well, you’re wrong.

You can do all kinds of things with these Playmobil figurines.

You can re-enact the scenes that we all suspect happen off of the ice.

Be strong, little Hank. Be strong for us.

Or act out events that you wish had happened this year... or not happened.

You can finally play GM while wearing your pajama pants on a Tuesday night just like you’ve always wanted to! The next logical step from here is ice cream for dinner and bacon on everything.

These figurines can help you process how you really feel when the Rangers lose important hockey games.

I found this to be very therapeutic. Here are the figurines burying a physical representation of my hopes and dreams. Industrious little chaps, aren’t they?

Why must they always smile? Don’t they understand?

You can look deeply into your Lundqvist figurine’s eyes and search those brown, lifeless circles for a spark of the buried fury that flickers with each mistake made by lesser beings in the defensive zone.

Or, y’know, you can just enjoy that pleasant little smile waiting for you every day. It’s up to you.

Haunting, isn’t it?

These figurines will make a great gift for the tiniest Rangers fan in your life or a cute desk decoration for you. Frankly, you can do whatever you want them after you’ve bought them. They become your property at that point. I intend on displaying mine in elaborate, dramatic scenes for months on end.

They’re reasonably priced, collectable, have a surprising level of detail (check out the strings on the jersey) and tons of fun. I know this because I had an absurdly good time goofing around with them for this piece. Go check them out.

A special thanks to Playmobil for reaching out to Blueshirt Banter. Let’s go Rangers.