Looking to Distract Fans With "1994", Rangers Have None In Stock

[Note by Jim Schmiedeberg, 02/08/11---I originally wrote this when the Rangers got off to the bad start at the beginning of the season. I had it scheduled to run, and then they started playing better. In the midst of this losing streak, I think we could all use a laugh, hope this helps. Disclaimer: This story is purely farcical, and hopefully for entertainment purposes only. Remember, we aren't Devil fans, we like to have fun.]

The situation inside the offices of the New York Rangers has gotten tense, and tempers are flaring over the latest crisis for this Original Six franchise.

After searching high and low, and scouring and re-scouring the archives, the Rangers have sadly discovered they are all out of "1994".

With the team currently struggling, and key players like Chris Drury and Marian Gaborik underachieving, the fans are again growing disgruntled. So the Ranger hierarchy thought it was once again time to play the "1994 card" and bring the Stanley Cup Champions back to the forefront, only to find that after retiring the numbers worn by Mark Messier, Brian Leetch, Mike Richter and Adam Graves, they have completely exhausted the inventory of 1994 they had on hand.

"It's full blow panic up there right now." an office insider told Blueshirt Banter, "One of the guys in marketing even suggested "Peter Andersson Night"......two hours later he is carrying all his office belongings through Penn Station in a copy paper box. This is worse than when that Audio/Visual intern accidentally recorded porn over the Stephane Matteau Game Six goal tape. All I can say is Thank God for You Tube, or that kid would have gone home in a pine box."

"People up there kept saying that they should save Adam Graves Night, that it was too soon, keep that one in your pocket for when you really need it, but the higher-ups had to rush it. Also, did they have to do Harry Howell and Andy Bathgate on the same night? They could have saved one of those. I know they aren't 1994 guys, but still."

One idea that seemed to be gaining steam was "Esa Tikkanen Afternoon", the thinking being that it wouldn't be as formal as a "Night", but could still provide a reasonable distraction, and give Mark Messier a reason to cry, or at least get a little weepy or even misty perhaps.

More after the jump......

"That's the Rangers version of the ‘Kansas City Shuffle'", said the insider, "While you are watching Messier cry over here (pointing left), you don't see the slumping team playing over there (pointing right).....see?"

I have to admit, I did look left.

Unfortunately the Rangers had to scrap the idea when they found out "Tik" is booked when the Rangers play their next matinee Sunday against the Penguins. Tikkanen is scheduled to appear at "Dunk a Devil" day in Newark, because it turns out the Devils are in need of a diversion of their own. Plus, the Rangers felt it might be short-sighted to retire number 10, because it would negate the distraction a possible "Pierre Larouche", "Ron Duguay" or even "Marian Gaborik" Night could someday bring for future struggling Ranger teams.

"I really don't know what they are going to do." the insider continued, "Keenan (former Ranger head coach Mike Keenan) suggested honoring Mike Gartner or James Patrick, but then somebody had to remind him that he made Neil Smith trade both of them and they weren't on the Cup team. Keenan smashed a stick over Trautwig's head and stormed out."

"They are fresh out of ideas up there. Ed Olczyk and Mike Hudson keep leaving messages, eventually they may be forced to return their calls."

"Someone even suggested trying to win another Cup, but that idea was just met by a bunch of puzzled looks."

Don't think Phil Bourque and Daniel Lacroix aren't keeping an eye on the situation.