Rangers Trade Statue Of Liberty to Phoenix for Camelback Mountain
If I have to tell you this is satire........call a doctor.
No longer satisfied with making over the organization in a Southwestern motif, the Rangers have set their sights on bigger aspirations, and have traded the Statue of Liberty to Phoenix for Camelback Mountain.
"All she does is stand there, all green and stuff" said the Rangers in a press release, "Arm in the air, holding that torch, enough was enough. We said we were going to move mountains to turn this team into a Stanley Cup contender, this is just another step in that direction."
Lady Liberty was obviously shocked by the move, and when asked for her thoughts as she packed a bag for Laguardia, all she could say was, "Almost 125 years of service, they used me as a logo, and I was included on a couple of goalie masks........it really is a business I guess. Do they even have a body of water in Phoenix to put me in? Maybe I can stay at Rozsival's (defenseman Michal Rozisval, traded to Phoenix in January) place for a while. All I know is that dry heat is going to play havoc on my rivets."
Camelback Mountain, which gets its name from its shape, resembling a camel's head and hump, was equally surprised by the move, saying "well, it feels like I've been here in the Valley for a million years, but a change might do me good, and with all the ownership uncertainty here, I wasn't sure where I was going to be next year, at least now I know."
Scouting report on Camelback Mountain: (from Phoenix ASAP)
It took geological nature tens of millions of years to sculpt this masterpiece of sandstone and granite majesty. It depicts a gigantic symbol of a resting camel that constantly gazes the beauty from high above the Phoenix horizon. Alone it set for millions of years until the prehistoric Hohokam Indians settled the area only to mysteriously disappear over a thousand years ago. They left behind evidence of their existence including a ceremonial cave discovered on the north side of Camelback. This ancient religious site motivates many to refer to Camelback Mountain as the Sacred Mountain.
Full analysis on the deal as soon as we figure out how to do it.