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You Know You Want One Of These Sweet, Sweet All Star Jerseys

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Fanatics

Do you know what you want? You want the new All Star hockey jerseys featuring your favorite hockey team! You know the *checks notes* New York Rangers!

Why does it look like they were hit with a ladder covered in paint? Because your damn torso is rising to the top with these bad boys on, that’s why! Sure the shield is missing the iconic red part of the logo, but that’s just a simple conversation starter. In 40 years when you’re talking to your grandchildren you will be proud to pull this bad boy out and show those unappreciative brats what it was like back in the days when hockey was “real” hockey. They used carbon fiber sticks back then, can you believe that??? Not like today with the lasers and photons and whatever else you kids do.

Self-Driving Sweeper And Autonomous Driving Retail On Duty In Beijing
This is what hockey looks like in the future. Yes it is exclusively played by children and robots. There is no ice. Sticks are made from lasers and photons.
Photo by VCG/VCG via Getty Images

Anyway, buy one of these. It will make you stronger, both physically and mentally. No one would rob a person insane enough to wear these bad boys on the subway! Plus it allows you to finally join a world consisting of only two colors! Who needs more colors in their lives? That drastically life-altering problem has been rectified here! And you can be a proud supporter of that initiative!

On a serious note, what do you guys think about these? Let us know in the comments, and if you do want to buy them do so at the links below!

Rangers adidas 2020 NHL All-Star Game Authentic Jersey for $190
Fanatics