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Top Five Potential EBUGs for the New York Rangers

Team team posted a unique job opportunity. Here’s who I think should take it.

NHL: Carolina Hurricanes at Toronto Maple Leafs John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

A talking point of hockey twitter for the past few days has been how the New York Rangers have posted a ton of new LinkedIn job opportunities. Social media gigs, MSG employees, and of course...an EBUG.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “With Steve Valiquette and Henrik Lundqvist right there?” But unfortunately they can’t do that as former NHL goaltenders, so I’m here to present you with my top five contenders for the Rangers EBUG job.

Abbie Ives

The Connecticut Whale goalie is fresh off a successful season in the PHF that landed her in the crease for the Isobel Cup final. She’s local, and she’s good. Now technically, a team’s EBUG must be someone who isn’t under contract for any other team so as a professional player in the PHF, this wouldn’t work out. However, the PHF season typically starts after and ends before the NHL season, giving her a few month window where she could potentially not be under contract and do it. I for one would love to see a woman in an EBUG role.

This guy

Oh 2018, times were simpler. No COVID, no taxi squads, just Andrew ‘McBackup’ Margolin and his No. 69 EBUG jersey. Can someone track him down? In the words of Avatar, ‘when the world needed him the most, he vanished.’

Spike Lee

Something an EBUG has to be is ready for the game at any moment. Typically, they must be in the building or close enough by that they could suit up at any given moment. I think Spike Lee spends more of his time in the Garden than not, so it wouldn’t be an issue.

One of the few non-athletes most closely associated with Madison Square Garden, Spike Lee frequents Celebrity Row for Knicks games and his fair share of Rangers games as well. He is 65 but I don’t think that would stop him from making a few saves against the Devils at least. He also has a deep understanding of the iconic building enough to channel the aura of the Garden into a win. You just know he’d have a cool goalie helmet. I’d love to see it.

NBA: New York Knicks at Brooklyn Nets Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney

She is a Junior Goodwill Games champion, used to wearing red, white, and blue, with a history of sitting on the bench waiting for her chance to start and then playing well under pressure when she does get in the game.

I know she isn’t a real person, but I personally think we could get Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine to kick some guys in the shins if we play our cards right. According to her culinary arts website, she does live in New York. It only makes sense.

Sidney Crosby

I think he’d be much more suited for this job than actually trying to score against the Rangers in the first round of the playoffs. I don’t think he can do that, but he might be able to stop a few pucks against another team for us.

He’s got experience as the brother of a goalie. He has stood in as a lacrosse goalie, a ball hockey goalie, and has even done so for the Penguins in the past...sort of. In 2015, he showed up to the Penguins office dek hockey team and stood in goal. If he can stop NHL ticket office salespeople, I think he can stop some real players too.

And finally because I make the rules so I’m offering you a sixth option...

Me

I have minimal skating ability, have never played hockey, don’t live in New York, and flinched every time a ball flew in my direction while playing catcher for my high school softball team. I think I’m the perfect fit.

In all seriousness, I hope whoever fills this role gets a cool jersey and some great memories with the team.